Smaller children, smaller issues- Bigger children, bigger issues.
This expression, told to me by my wise grandfather, sounded a lot better in another language! However, the meaning and the message is similar. Although all children have emotions, they can manifest differently at different ages.
For the younger toddler and Pre-schooler, the often, sudden change of behavior and outbursts, knows as tantrums, are common and normal. It is often a younger child's way of expressing and trying to regulate their emotions. I realize it can be very challenging, even for the calmest parent. Moms and dads often have different ways of dealing with said situations. Women may want to get to the core of the reason and men may offer comic relief for a quick fix, then address the reasons later on. Both approaches work, it depends on the child and the family dynamic. It also depends on your child's emotional intelligence quotient. Better known as Emotional IQ, or EI, this is a real entity just as Academic IQ is.
EI continues to develop over time and it can be enhanced by allowing the child to express themselves in age appropriate ways. A 2-5 year old will respond differently than a 6-10 year old and so on. While we cannot always prevent an outburst or strong emotional reaction, we can focus on activities and talks that encourage expression and positive self esteem development.
Here are some proactive tips and mental exercises to help your child(ren):
1) Modeling
How we act as adults is often the best way to show our children, proper emotional balance. It is very challenging to always stay balanced, and we don't have to. We can show our children through both verbal and non verbal cues, how to handle emotions and situations they may feel perplexed about.
2) Bed Talks
So much happens in a given school day,especially in current times. Nighttime is a great time to cool down and talk about the best and least favorite part of the day and why. When our bodies are relaxed, we are more prone to open up emotionally.
3) Indoor/Outdoor exercise
While I am a big fan of outdoor exercise, it is not always possible, especially when the weather is not cooperating (maybe the weather is having a bad day too!)
Bike riding, walking, yoga are great ways to help you and your child regulate emotions, simply through exercise. Endorphins are released to create a natural calming feeling while also being good for your body. Natural mid/body medicine.
4) Eating well
Many children react to foods and we do not even realize the connection. There is a strong connection between food and mood. Finding out what your child is sensitive too and making small changes along the way, can bring huge changes in his/her mood.
5) Reading
Reading is not only fundamental, it is relaxing. Allowing your child (ren) to get lost in books is a great way to create fantasy while also giving them realistic outlets. Very often in books, children can find characters they relate to. It may seem like fiction, but reading and enjoying books is a great way for children to develop both balance and a sense that they are not alone in their feelings. That all feelings are basically normal and healthy and seeing that in a book, gives children of all ages a sense of connection to a friend they may not know in person, but can safely know in their mind and heart.
6) Screen Time limits
While this may be more challenging for parents to initiate, it is crucial to limit screen time at every age! I have heard many parents say, they do not think they are able to do this. Remember, you are still the parent and they are the child, even a teenager. The trick is to start young and be consistent. Of course there are times when you and they need a electronic babysitter, but making it less important by focusing on the above activities and discussions, will naturally reduce need for electronics. The blue light exposure, the chance that there will be unhealthy messages sent back and forth between friends and for numerous other reasons, it is best to limit and/or have set times for using a electronic device (outside of submitting homework.)
There are many great books which focus on developing Emotional Intelligence which in turn, often reduces negative moods. Meet the Moodsters Storybook is great for Pre-school age children and it comes with a "Moodster meter," a "Feelings flashlight," and a mirror for self "reflection."You can usually find the Moodsters book and set at Target an/or connect with the Moodsters on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMoodsters
For Elementary age children- "Sorry," by Trudy Ludwig is a great option when showing children the importance of both saying what you mean, while stressing forgiveness. Forgiveness in yourself and others is a crucial to help regulate emotions in one's self. Holding on to judgement and negative feelings toward others, will only serve to further deregulate one's own emotional balance. Equally important is teaching the main Character, Charlie that it is not enough just to "say sorry." This statement in and of itself will help the negative behavior continue. There has to be meaning behind it. Visit: https://www.amazon.com/Sorry-Trudy-Ludwig/dp/1582461732 for a review and to purchase this helpful book.
For Pre-teens and teenagers, simply starting and keeping a feelings and activity journal, is a great mood regulator. Have them design their own journal/book cover and make entries at least a few times a week. By the end of each week, parents and children can review the journal, make comments and store away in a time capsule at the end of each year. Add some items from home or outside which represent feelings, both negative and positive, to the capsule!
